An amazing ride!

Whoa! It's been more than 2 months since I blogged last, and I've been amazed by God's grace in this time. Many of you know, Laura and I made the leap to move back to Dallas and persue further education toward ministry. I have been called to men's ministry and she is feeling a stronger call to writing and women's ministry. To understand this a bit better, let me tell you about what has happenned since I wrote last.


Laura and I moved from Austin the first week of January. Now, that in itself isn't amazing, but the circumstances are. We had made the decision to move back in July or August, and started job hunting. As the time drew nearer, neither of us had found anything. I thought I would be working part time at a coffee shop or something similar. Continuing toward finishing my Bachelors online, I assumed this would be my primary occupation. When we arrived in Dallas, I began applying to mundane jobs, just to get a paycheck, and we moved into my parents house. I had a assignment in one of my classes to interview a foreign born Christian leader. I contact Dallas Theological Seminary to see if I could interview Dr. Ramesh Richard. He was unavailable when I needed to talk to him, but they set me up for a meeting the next week. I couldn't use him for my assignment, but I still wanted to talk to him as his sermon on the Ministry Problematic had been so influential to me (I had listened to it on DTS's podcast). I met with him and asked him questions about what brought him to America and Christianity. It was a great conversation. What surprised me is that he asked me for my resume.

Arriving home a few hours later, I pulled up my resume, checked it over and updated it, and sent it off to him. I had only once used my ministry resume before with no results, so I really didn't hope for much. The next week, David, his ministry's operation manager, contacted me wanting an interview.The next 2 weeks was a practice in patience. I met with David and interviewed for a position at RREACH as the assistant to the president (Dr. Richard). David had some difficulty reaching my references, as it was the middle of Dallas' Snowpocalypse '11. We finally had all the contacts made and David offerred me a position, not the original one I interviewed for. The plan was for me to become the online evangelical counselor and help out a little with all of the ministries in the office.

I've been in this job a week now and I'm blown away.

God works in amazing ways. We are going to look at a house tonight and I am looking to trade in my little Celica to get a truck. We pray God will continue to provide wisdom, discernment, and grace in our walk with him.

3 days and counting.

I know, you are thinking I'm talking about Christmas, right? This time, I'm actually not. I'm counting down the working days until I am taking the next step in this risk I am making for the new year. You see, Laura and I are moving to Dallas for me to enter into ministry.

We've done the job hunting, and it seems like we keep missing the mark, but that may be changing. Laura has a chance at a pretty good job at a large women's ministry, and I am still looking for something for me.

So here we are. We are making a step without knowing that there is floor to catch us with the next step. Is this responsible? If we had kids, I would say "no", but since we don't yet, I'm not nearly as worried about it. We have taken some precautions. Our home is going on the rental market with the new year, so that should cover the big bill. Our cars are paid off and we've saved a little for the move. I'm finishing up my BA in February (finally) and moving on to Seminary in the fall. We have spent more time in prayer about these decisions than anything else I can remember other than kids, and we have peace when we think about these "risks".

That's something that I think is funny. We call these decisions "risks", but if we are following God, is there really any risk? Laura and my relationship has improved, our personal emotions have lifted, and we are truly happy. That doesn't sound like the effects of taking a risk to me. Usually, when I am coming up on a risk, I a stressed out, grumpy, and unsure of what is ahead. Now, I am happy, eager, and ready to make the leap. It seems that risking for God is not risking at all, it is doing the one thing you are built to do.

So let me encourage you. It does not matter what it is, but pray to God before taking a risk. If you are following his lead, you will feel peace. That is how to be responsible about life and your family. God will deliver you from any strife, if you follow him and give him the lead. So stop being so independent and follow God. If he has a "risk" for you, jump in with both feet and ride the wave for His glory, not for yours.

Warrior Dash... Warrior Spirit... God's Special Forces

What is it that God wants out of me? Does he want me to be 10 foot tall and bulletproof? No, he would have made me that way if he did. Does he want me to be a business or political leader? No, he'd have groomed me for that. Does he want me to be a special forces soldier? Kind of. Let me give some background on this.

I've been reading "Risk" by Kenny Luck. It about giving your life over to God. What is it that make a special operations soldier great? Its his willingness to put his job before anything else. Is he the fittest in the military? Nope, probably not. Is he the smartest in the military? Maybe, but that's not what got him his job. What got him where he is was his willingness to sacrifice and to die if necessary for the cause. So what does God want from his warriors?

God wants our 100% dedication to his cause. 25% doesn't work. 50% doesn't work. Even 75% isn't enough. He wants 100%. So what does this mean? It means different things to different men. The key is that everything you do must be done for God's glory. You have to get out and spread the Word.

What am I doing to be a member of God's Special Forces? Over the last year I have made huge changes in my life. I have taken my life in a new direction. I was going to school for theatre and planning on opening a Haunted House. Now I am finishing up a BA in Christian Studies, setting my sights on Seminary and feel called to Men's ministry. Along with this, I am getting back in shape. I have started Insanity, an intense cardio training program, and I am going to be running the Warrior Dash in November. I spend daily time in the Word and I invest in friends, family, and coworkers, even when they are resistant to it. God is a daily part of my life, and my life shows it. My wife and I are happier than we have ever been before. We are succeeding even when we don't know what we are doing.

So, living a life as a soldier in God's Special Forces isn't about getting out and starting am ministry. It's about making your life a ministry. Get out and make people ask you what it is about your life that is so great, and tell them. God gives us all skills that he uses for a special duty, and God uses you for those things he had prepared you for. Stop doubting him and go out and do his work.

PTSD and the Church

As a sufferer of PTSD I have a unique outlook to see a problem coming before the Church. PTSD is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. In the past is was called combat fatigue, shell shock, and many other things; even being mislabeled as readjustment disorder in recent years. In layman’s terms, it is a natural reaction to extreme stress events which cause a physiological shift in how the brain functions. There is much more to it than this, but for this purpose, my definition will suffice.

First I’m going to give a little background about me and my PTSD to give a little understanding to you. I’m a 30 year old Christian man who, despite being raised in the church, came to Christ at the age of 23, about 5 months before deploying to Iraq in February of 2003. After returning in February of 2004, I had a series of bad events that left me back in my parents’ home at the age of 26, broke, and feeling helpless. I had turned away from God, as I could not understand how he allowed friends to die in Iraq, or put me in a position to fire my weapon and another man. How could he let me feel the guilt and pain that riddled me daily?

My parents took me to church with them and took me to the VA. The VA helped me by getting me into counseling for PTSD and getting me on some meds to regulate the chemicals that had gotten out of whack. But Christ gave me so much more. Reading the word again and spending time in prayer showed me that the bad thing I had experienced were not caused by his lack of love, but because he loves us so much that he will not take away our free will. This includes allowing bad things to happen while Satan has dominion of the Earth. In October of 2006 I met an amazing woman. She was attending seminary and opened my eyes up even further. She helped me understand things I had not before, and she gave me love freely, with no expectations. Laura and I were married a year later in November of 2007.

“What does this have to do with the Church?” you ask. Simple, Thousands upon thousands of soldiers, sailors, marines, and airmen battle these same issues every day. These are the young, the old, and the in between. From Vietnam to Panama, from Afghanistan to Iraq, these brave men and women have risked their lives for the country we believe in. We are not loved by our country though. In many cases we are hated. The Westboro Baptist Church drives servicemen away from God with every sign held high in protest. Every time a uniform is defaced in protest of the war or a soldier sees his flag burned, he loses a little of his love for the people who would disrespect his sacrifice. We as the Church, the body of Christ, need to change this.

Another thing we (PTSD sufferers) face is a feeling of despair brought on by the chemical imbalances. This becomes more manageable with treatment, but it still comes at times. While not as severe as back in the early days after returning from the war, I still have periods where I want nothing to do with anyone or anything, not even God. I have Laura to help me, but many soldiers don’t have anyone. The leading preventable cause of death in the military today is suicide. One major cause of this is the feeling of immense despair I am talking about. Think about this in a different way, if you are sure that you are worthless and a failure, that God doesn’t love you or doesn’t exist, and that all the world has to offer you is suffering; what reason do you have to continue living? I am definitely not trying to justify these thoughts, only trying to help you understand, and I can only do that because I have not felt these feelings in many years. With treatment, these feelings do go away, and with support they can be completely avoided. That’s where the Church comes in.

The Church is Christ’s tool on Earth. It is his hands and arms. By welcoming one in, we help that body to grow and we help one more to know His love. Sound good so far? But what does it take to do this? Investment. You have to go forth and invest your life in those around you. I can almost guarantee that everyone reading this knows at least one soldier, though you may not know much about him or her. Try starting with a dinner, servicemen love to eat, trust me on that one, and once you get food in us we talk more (might not be good to feed me much, since I already talk too much, but most others you’re safe on). Pay attention to what they are talking about. Above all, do not bring up the war. If we want to talk about it, we do. If we don’t, we still respect you enough to answer questions (it’s in our training). So leave that off for now. (By the way , a huge number of soldiers do not have PTSD to any degree, and even fewer have truly debilitating PTSD, but even so, bringing one more into the Church is a good thing, right?) Learn about us and then build on what we say with stories of your own. Share pieces of Jesus’ teaching when you can, but don’t preach. Basically, be our friends. It does not matter if you served. It does not matter what you think of the war (though if you are against it, you still need to show us that you are thankful for our willingness to die for you if we are called to). It doesn’t even matter if we’re the same age or demographic. Some of the people I am closest to are people I have met since returning from Iraq, and they simply stepped up and showed me His love. I have friends twice my age because of this, and I have many differences with them, but they showed me his love and that earned them a spot in my heart forever.

The other thing we have to do is accept. PTSD can lead to short tempers, to apathy, to depression, and to emotional outbursts with mood swings. We have to expect and accept these. They are part of the person now.With treatment, the sufferer will learn to control these things, but it's going to take time. Remember, they are having to relearn things since their brain works a little differently now.

Oh, and PTSD is not limited to combat veterans. Often, we see PTSD symptoms in rape, assault, and sexual abuse patients. Any psychologically traumatic event can cause PTSD.

War Drums

In the last few weeks I have heard rumblings about Revelation and other eschatology related topics. Why? What is going on that people are banging on this war drum calling "good" Christians to the fight? Why is this call for witnessing needed?

Every generation seems to have a mass "Call to altar" at least once, saying that the end is near. I'm not saying it's not, but I'm also not saying it is. Matthew 24:29-51 gives us a wealth of information on the time, and the fact that only the Father knows. If someone tells you they know the date and time of Jesus coming, RUN! Even Jesus tells us he does not know. How could a man know? If the Son of God doesn't know, neither do they.

Now, to the other problem with using the "end times" as a reason to witness. Mark 13 touches on this issue, and the persecution that comes as well.

Mark 13:9 “You must watch out for yourselves. You will be handed over to councils and beaten in the synagogues. You will stand before governors and kings because of me, as a witness to them. 13:10 First the gospel must be preached to all nations. 13:11 When they arrest you and hand you over for trial, do not worry about what to speak. But say whatever is given you at that time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit. 13:12 Brother will hand over brother to death, and a father his child. Children will rise against parents and have them put to death. 13:13 You will be hated by everyone because of my name. But the one who endures to the end will be saved.(NET)

Jesus taught us to carry his word in Mark 13:10: "First the gospel must be preached to all nations." Why is it that we as Christians today find a need to put an artificial urgency behind our witnessing?

I remember at the beginning of a song by DC Talk, there was a quote, "The leading cause of Atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge with their lips but deny him by their lifestyle." Jesus taught us that by accepting him, we were giving our lives to him, not just our Sunday mornings. He paid a high price for it, so why don't we do what he taught. How many times can you find in scripture Jesus telling us to witness? What about teachings in the Old Testament to witness? I think that next to Love God with all your heart, mind, and soul; Sharing his love may be the second most taught thing in scripture. Jesus did tell us that it is a chief commandment, what is witnessing if not loving our neighbors as ourselves. We've found him, shouldn't we be helping them find him as well?

I guess what I am saying is this: Beat your war drums. Cry out to Heaven. Prepare yourself for his coming. But not by preaching the end is near. Preach his love. Be the servant leader of your home and teach others to do the same. Love your Neighbors and share his Word. God gave us everything we need to be ready for Jesus' coming, your faith and the Word. The Holy Spirit is with us, it is our weapon against the sinful things of this world. USE IT! Only by walking his walk will we ever know his will for us, and in walking his walk, you may find that you bring even more witness to those who see it.

The tide is turning...

     I remember when I was young (I'm not saying I'm old by any means, just not as young as I once was.), it was expected that everyone you knew was Christian. Now I know this was not the case, but American society as a whole was Christian, with Christian morals (on the surface) and Christian goals. Now I look around and notice, my family and I are outcasts. We're the "weird" ones. Our beliefs about how we live our lives and what is okay are the beliefs considered to be strange. What happened? How did I go from being a kid raised in a Christian home(I didn't become Christian until November 2002, I didn't understand until then what it was to have a relationship with Jesus.) to being a uptight weirdo? 
     I left the church environment around the time I graduated High School in 1998 and returned to it periodically until 2002 when I jumped back in with both feet. While in Basic Combat Training (Boot Camp) at Ft. Benning, I went every Sunday morning, but I did that because it was a way to avoid waxing the barracks or mowing the lawn with safety scissors and a ruler. When something bad happened in my life I would visit for a few weeks before going back to my wild and reckless lifestyle. In 2002, I was invited to The Bridge, a non-denominational church on Ft Campbell, KY. I started listening to what was being said instead of daydreaming or looking at the girls. I started going to Navigators meetings on Wednesday nights and learning scripture. I even started hanging out with these Christian men, and I saw something was different about them...but what was it?
     I remember these guys weren't going out drinking and doing everything they could to take some girl home every night. These guys were getting together and hanging out. They had genuine relationships with girlfriends and wives that were open and honest. They weren't fighting and unhappy in their marriages and relationships. They were happy to be with one person for the rest of their lives. These guys had something figured out. I started looking for what it was and found that the one thing they all had in common was Jesus. They followed his teachings and loved each other as themselves. I wanted what they had. I asked Jesus into my life 4 months after I started going to The Bridge. I didn't see some amazing change, but I felt somehow better. I deployed to Iraq 4 months later and helped with a Bible Study there. On returning, I got out of the Army and got married, but I started slipping away from my faith. My wife didn't want to go to church, she said she didn't need church to believe. I tried for 2 years and gave up. She started cheating on me and my world collapsed. I was diagnosed with PTSD and returned to my parents in Dallas after she kicked me out (ironic, she cheated and I got kicked out).
     I was at my lowest, got dragged to church every Sunday by my parents, and was shoved into counseling by them as well. What they didn't know is that I was doing every self destructive thing I could think of. I was sleeping around, drinking like a fish and smoking 2 or so packs a day. I'm not proud of how bad I got, but I did. While working at a haunted house run by my old scout troop, I met Laura. Everything changed. I found myself caring what someone else thought about me. Every day I called her and talked for a hour or so, then I asked her out, only to be turned down. A week after meeting her, I got off the phone to go help with the youth group at my parents church. The next day I asked her out again and she said "Yes". I went over and took her out for drinks and walking around Uptown Dallas and the West End. We quickly fell in love and were married. I went to church with her weekly and really started to get back into the groove I had been in back in 2002, when I became a Christian. I met her friends and started finding myself surrounded by these "on fire for God" Christians, and started envying them again. I dove back in and started studying and learning the Word and found myself feeling good about life again. After finalizing my divorce, Laura and I were married.
Now, 3 years later, I find myself pursuing a Christian Studies degree and planning for Seminary. I'm going to start a disaster relief ministry, taking men out with me to learn to be servant leaders while spreading God's Word. The tide is turning... and I'm surfing the wave!