Week one did this... What's week 2 got in store for me?

So, last week I did the whole weeks Insanity work outs and then decided to try on an old pair of jeans, don't ask me why, I just did. And lo and behold, I was able to fit into a pair of 36s. I haven't worn these in about 6 months, and I was a mazed to find that i not only could get them on, but they fit comfortably. That's saying something since I've been in 38s for about that long. Well, I don't think i could get better motivation than that. Who knows maybe I'll make it back to my 32s that have been in a box since 2005! Day 8, Here I come!!!!

Day 4... Am I Insane?

So there I was ready to get my cardio killed again with day 4, and look, it's recovery. My muscles still got a workout, but I wasn't getting ready to fall over from the high heart rate yesterday. After I was done, I went and cleaned up and then tried some jeans on that I haven't worn in a while (they were too tight) and now they fit perfectly! I have a hard time believeing that in 4 days i lost 2 inches, but I can't deny the fact that these jeans fit great now...


So now I am eager for Day 5 tonight, though I have heard it's the hardest one yet. Its still worth it. Gonna smoke myself silly to get the results I am looking for. Are you with me?

So day 2 is complete... and I was oh so relieved when it ended. I'm working on getting my form right, but my coordination leaves something to be desired. My thighs are still sore from it and I felt like I was going to fall over during it. I actually had to sit out for 2 of the exercises because my heart rate was too high (close to 190). I watched closely during those so I could get an idea of how they were done. I look forward to today, but even more to the recovery day tomorrow. I keep wondering if Shaun T has Army in his background, that medical tat on his arm sure looks like a meddac tat. Anyways, I'm going strong and will keep rolling. INSANITY!!!!!!

Day 1 Complete, Day 2 coming fast!

So I did the first day of Insanity: Dig Deeper and Fit Test. I felt like I was going to fall out. There were points when Shawn T was yelling to push it harder and I couldn't even get off my hands and knees. My results are better than i thought they would be, but I'm going to have to push harder and dig deeper today. one thing has changed for me though. I feel able. Yesterday I was worried I would not be able to finish the test, but today, I know I can do this. I feel more alive and more awake. I feel my muscles ready to go again. No pain. That is the biggest thing for me. I don't feel pain today. How can that be? Shawn drove me to muscle failure on the push-up jacks and the plank obliques, but I'm not in pain today. I'm eating better (though I'm not eating quite right yet) and I got great sleep last night (even with the dog waking me up for water and to go out!)

I am convinced that each day is going to be better. I'm going to push further and dig deeper. I will reach targets that I never reached in the Army and then go farther.

One interesting thing is that the last day is actually going to be postponed 1 day. I will be competing in the Warrior Dash here in Austin on November 20th. I'm going to put the fit test off until Monday (or maybe Sunday) while I compete in this run. I feel like this program is going to make me able to push myself through the 3.2 miles and 11 obstacles in 35 minutes or less, 10 minutes faster than I had originally set me goal.

In all things, I give God the glory. It is because of him that I am doing this and because of him that I can compete. Thank's to God that I have the strength and I ask him for the perseverance to push further, faster, and harder than I ever have before.

Insanity! Am I insane?

So, I'm starting insanity today (Actually yesterday 9/20). Am I crazy? This is going to be the hardest thing I have done since I left the Army... What can I do to keep myself going? What is this going to take? Do I have it in me?

Yes! I can and will do this. I want to be the guy that my future kids look at and want to be like. I want to be able to take my shirt off at the beach and not be ashamed. I will push myself to do what needs to be done to reach this goal.

I will start every day's workout with a prayer of thanks and for protection. I will push myself to perform better than the day before and not give up on any workout, anytime. I will complete this program and continue after with more exercise programs to strengthen myself, mind, body, and soul.

Warrior Dash

So it's official, I've signed up to run the Warrior Dash on November 20th down here in Austin. I'm running at 2:30 if anyone wants to join me and do the wild and crazy obstacles to share a beer with me afterwards. I'm running with a few from Crossroads and trying to recruit more.
So now here's the question. I'm planning on running painted up like a Celtic Warrior wearing a kilt. Think of Braveheart but my whole body will be blue. What I'm trying to figure out is how I can be a good steward of God's message while i run this race/challenge/dash/whatever. I could wear the cross necklace I have that's made out of nails, but that could be uncomfortable if it gets cockeyed during the wall climb or the mud crawl... so probably not. Anyone have any ideas that I could use to have fun and show that God's children can have just as much fun as unbelievers without going against his teachings? I figure that this could be a good opportunity to reach out to those that may not get reached out to.
Anyways, for those that want to see me do this, or those who want to join me, check out the Central Texas Warrior dash at warriordash.com

PTSD and the Church

As a sufferer of PTSD I have a unique outlook to see a problem coming before the Church. PTSD is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. In the past is was called combat fatigue, shell shock, and many other things; even being mislabeled as readjustment disorder in recent years. In layman’s terms, it is a natural reaction to extreme stress events which cause a physiological shift in how the brain functions. There is much more to it than this, but for this purpose, my definition will suffice.

First I’m going to give a little background about me and my PTSD to give a little understanding to you. I’m a 30 year old Christian man who, despite being raised in the church, came to Christ at the age of 23, about 5 months before deploying to Iraq in February of 2003. After returning in February of 2004, I had a series of bad events that left me back in my parents’ home at the age of 26, broke, and feeling helpless. I had turned away from God, as I could not understand how he allowed friends to die in Iraq, or put me in a position to fire my weapon and another man. How could he let me feel the guilt and pain that riddled me daily?

My parents took me to church with them and took me to the VA. The VA helped me by getting me into counseling for PTSD and getting me on some meds to regulate the chemicals that had gotten out of whack. But Christ gave me so much more. Reading the word again and spending time in prayer showed me that the bad thing I had experienced were not caused by his lack of love, but because he loves us so much that he will not take away our free will. This includes allowing bad things to happen while Satan has dominion of the Earth. In October of 2006 I met an amazing woman. She was attending seminary and opened my eyes up even further. She helped me understand things I had not before, and she gave me love freely, with no expectations. Laura and I were married a year later in November of 2007.

“What does this have to do with the Church?” you ask. Simple, Thousands upon thousands of soldiers, sailors, marines, and airmen battle these same issues every day. These are the young, the old, and the in between. From Vietnam to Panama, from Afghanistan to Iraq, these brave men and women have risked their lives for the country we believe in. We are not loved by our country though. In many cases we are hated. The Westboro Baptist Church drives servicemen away from God with every sign held high in protest. Every time a uniform is defaced in protest of the war or a soldier sees his flag burned, he loses a little of his love for the people who would disrespect his sacrifice. We as the Church, the body of Christ, need to change this.

Another thing we (PTSD sufferers) face is a feeling of despair brought on by the chemical imbalances. This becomes more manageable with treatment, but it still comes at times. While not as severe as back in the early days after returning from the war, I still have periods where I want nothing to do with anyone or anything, not even God. I have Laura to help me, but many soldiers don’t have anyone. The leading preventable cause of death in the military today is suicide. One major cause of this is the feeling of immense despair I am talking about. Think about this in a different way, if you are sure that you are worthless and a failure, that God doesn’t love you or doesn’t exist, and that all the world has to offer you is suffering; what reason do you have to continue living? I am definitely not trying to justify these thoughts, only trying to help you understand, and I can only do that because I have not felt these feelings in many years. With treatment, these feelings do go away, and with support they can be completely avoided. That’s where the Church comes in.

The Church is Christ’s tool on Earth. It is his hands and arms. By welcoming one in, we help that body to grow and we help one more to know His love. Sound good so far? But what does it take to do this? Investment. You have to go forth and invest your life in those around you. I can almost guarantee that everyone reading this knows at least one soldier, though you may not know much about him or her. Try starting with a dinner, servicemen love to eat, trust me on that one, and once you get food in us we talk more (might not be good to feed me much, since I already talk too much, but most others you’re safe on). Pay attention to what they are talking about. Above all, do not bring up the war. If we want to talk about it, we do. If we don’t, we still respect you enough to answer questions (it’s in our training). So leave that off for now. (By the way , a huge number of soldiers do not have PTSD to any degree, and even fewer have truly debilitating PTSD, but even so, bringing one more into the Church is a good thing, right?) Learn about us and then build on what we say with stories of your own. Share pieces of Jesus’ teaching when you can, but don’t preach. Basically, be our friends. It does not matter if you served. It does not matter what you think of the war (though if you are against it, you still need to show us that you are thankful for our willingness to die for you if we are called to). It doesn’t even matter if we’re the same age or demographic. Some of the people I am closest to are people I have met since returning from Iraq, and they simply stepped up and showed me His love. I have friends twice my age because of this, and I have many differences with them, but they showed me his love and that earned them a spot in my heart forever.

The other thing we have to do is accept. PTSD can lead to short tempers, to apathy, to depression, and to emotional outbursts with mood swings. We have to expect and accept these. They are part of the person now.With treatment, the sufferer will learn to control these things, but it's going to take time. Remember, they are having to relearn things since their brain works a little differently now.

Oh, and PTSD is not limited to combat veterans. Often, we see PTSD symptoms in rape, assault, and sexual abuse patients. Any psychologically traumatic event can cause PTSD.

Why is Story important?

I was recently challenged with writing a little bit about why story is so important. This is what I came up with.


Story is passion. Ever since man has walked the earth, we have told stories. Even God shares stories with us. We start to form stories before we learn words as children, and then later, on telling them, we sometimes realize how much influence society has had in our own creative minds. The limits put on us by society are the imaginary walls which story can climb over, break down, or even simply cease to believe and walk right through.

As a kid I remember playing army with friends or putting on all black and running around as a ninja. The stories that my friends and I told were impossible, but we had fun. We spent our days thinking of new and fantastic tales. To adults our bikes were just that, bikes. But to us, a bicycle was a fighter jet, a tank, or even a motorbike loaded with machine guns and rocket launchers. The stories of the battles we fought were… amazing!

So why is story so important? Moses told the Israelites and us stories about creation, about the great flood, even about God’s glory, but that doesn’t really tell us why story is important. It just tells us that Moses’ story (actually God’s story) is important. Story is the act of relating events, true or imagined, in written or oral communication. Only through story can we learn about our history as people, God’s message, and the fascinating workings of individual creations. I’ve read more books than I can even begin to name, and the common thread for me has always been learning. Robert Heinlein’s “Starship Troopers” taught me more about basic training and the rigors on the mind than any non-fiction book or experiences shared with me, and when I got to Ft. Benning, I learned that it was true.

“We Were Soldiers Once… and Young”, taught the reader about the hell that is war, but also about the brotherhood shared by soldiers in shared plight. The books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John teach us about Jesus’ ministry on Earth. Stories teach and entertain, they make us feel emotion and they share events that may have happened, but may have also been made up. The greatest stories are retold by millions of people in a million ways. Shakespeare knew this in taking common themes to write many of his plays. From “The Taming of the Shrew” to “Romeo and Juliet”, his stories have been retold in countless ways by countless people, and in many cases his stories were simply retelling of stories he’d been told.

The importance of story is that it allows for communication of emotion and passion. It allows an intimate look into a person’s thought and creative mind. It gives man a chance to release stress or tension or create a smile on another’s face. It also allows us to teach the horrors that have been experienced as a way to help future generations avoid the same. Spinning yarns and relating events gives us connection. From one generation to the next, only through story can we connect to those who we are never able to meet.

Thanks Shakespeare, for allowing me to meet my ancestor MacDuff, through your story of MacBeth.

The silence is ringing...

So if you read here often, you've noticed I haven't been posting alot recently... well that's due to the overwhelming nature of school, work, and marriage. Needless to say, none of these things can be laid aside. So, I ask you to bear with me and give me time to get some good things put together.

Well, for now, I will just put some prayer requests down. Laura and I are going through the process to be able to adopt from the state, pray that we are guided to make good decisions in this process. I am preparing to enter seminary next summer, and I'm a little shaky and scared about it. Pray for peace and strength in this. And the last big one is to do with finances. We have trimmed out expenses to a third of what they were 2 years ago, but just as we feel that we are getting ahead we get hit again. Laura's 4-runner may be down for the count. We are going to have to replace it, and I really do not want to finance another car... Pray that God will give provision for this.

War Drums

In the last few weeks I have heard rumblings about Revelation and other eschatology related topics. Why? What is going on that people are banging on this war drum calling "good" Christians to the fight? Why is this call for witnessing needed?

Every generation seems to have a mass "Call to altar" at least once, saying that the end is near. I'm not saying it's not, but I'm also not saying it is. Matthew 24:29-51 gives us a wealth of information on the time, and the fact that only the Father knows. If someone tells you they know the date and time of Jesus coming, RUN! Even Jesus tells us he does not know. How could a man know? If the Son of God doesn't know, neither do they.

Now, to the other problem with using the "end times" as a reason to witness. Mark 13 touches on this issue, and the persecution that comes as well.

Mark 13:9 “You must watch out for yourselves. You will be handed over to councils and beaten in the synagogues. You will stand before governors and kings because of me, as a witness to them. 13:10 First the gospel must be preached to all nations. 13:11 When they arrest you and hand you over for trial, do not worry about what to speak. But say whatever is given you at that time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit. 13:12 Brother will hand over brother to death, and a father his child. Children will rise against parents and have them put to death. 13:13 You will be hated by everyone because of my name. But the one who endures to the end will be saved.(NET)

Jesus taught us to carry his word in Mark 13:10: "First the gospel must be preached to all nations." Why is it that we as Christians today find a need to put an artificial urgency behind our witnessing?

I remember at the beginning of a song by DC Talk, there was a quote, "The leading cause of Atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge with their lips but deny him by their lifestyle." Jesus taught us that by accepting him, we were giving our lives to him, not just our Sunday mornings. He paid a high price for it, so why don't we do what he taught. How many times can you find in scripture Jesus telling us to witness? What about teachings in the Old Testament to witness? I think that next to Love God with all your heart, mind, and soul; Sharing his love may be the second most taught thing in scripture. Jesus did tell us that it is a chief commandment, what is witnessing if not loving our neighbors as ourselves. We've found him, shouldn't we be helping them find him as well?

I guess what I am saying is this: Beat your war drums. Cry out to Heaven. Prepare yourself for his coming. But not by preaching the end is near. Preach his love. Be the servant leader of your home and teach others to do the same. Love your Neighbors and share his Word. God gave us everything we need to be ready for Jesus' coming, your faith and the Word. The Holy Spirit is with us, it is our weapon against the sinful things of this world. USE IT! Only by walking his walk will we ever know his will for us, and in walking his walk, you may find that you bring even more witness to those who see it.